Ciara's Last Reaction to On the Road

There is no doubt in my mind now that Dean has gone completely out of his mind.  His maniacal behavior is a consistent part of his character now, and hi thinking is irrational and sporadic.  I feel like he is living purely based on instinct, without any regrets or regard for the consequences of his actions.  He has Camille, and as soon as he gets her, he decided he wants Marylou.  His whole life is a story of chasing things he can’t have, at any means.  Whenever things get too comfortable, Dean gets bored.  I feel like he will never be able to settle down, even though he sets himself (and the people around him) up for a life of stability.  Not even a child with Camille is enough to tie him down; if anything, he truly lost it after he had his kid.

What I cannot seem to figure out is why Sal still bothers him.  I feel like everyone else sees Dean one way, while Sal sees him completely differently.  When we look at Dean objectively, his actions support his protesters: he uses women like they are disposable, he leaves Camille after they had a baby, he can not hold down a job, he spends his family’s money on selfish splurges, he only calls Sal (as well as others) when he needs them, and he is a downright unhealthy person to be around with his erratic behavior.  From Sal’s point of view, I understand that Dean is just trying to find himself, but in the process, he is creating havoc.  Dean is like a human tornado, coming into people’s lives, fucking shit up, and leaving a trail of social and emotional destruction in his wake.  Despite everything Dean has done, Sal still idolizes Dean.  It kind of reminds me of a relationship like Jesus and his disciples.  Dean is like Jesus, who speaks about life and its meaning to his crew.  They follow him around the country, following his way of life and hoping he will lead them to find themselves.  Slowly, however, they lost faith in his ability.  Sal still has faith in Dean.  He is the sole remaining disciple, and he still believes that Dean is the key to the answer that the beats have been looking for their entire lives.  Even in this state, Sal is wiling to follow Dean wherever, when I don’t even think Dean knows what he is doing anymore; this makes me question who the crazy person really is.

As the book comes to a close, I hope to see Dean and Sal maybe start to find themselves,  because at this point, I can not see a direction for their lives. They are wandering around the earth, looking for a purpose which it seems they may never find.